Updated February 1, 2017

Adam and Eve: How it actually happened.

Those magnificent forebears of ours: Here's the real story. This is how it actually happened no shit really!

Adam Ranger and Eve Ribb are both from Africa, not the Garden of Eden as so many stories are wrongly told. Adam woke up one day with a sore rib. As he was waking up he noticed a delicious aroma, something brewing in his cooking area. This heady scent was unbelievably good. As he began to rise he heard a voice, "It's about time you woke up, you slugabed. How do you take your coffee?"

Adam wondered who was talking. He looked toward the fire and saw another being was fixing his coffee. As he pondered this new being he forgot all about his sore rib. His heart began to race. A pleasant rumble began to occur in the pit of his stomach. He thought he was becoming a statue as he began to turn to stone.

Adam asked the being, "What in hell is going on here? And who are you?"

"I'm Eve, your wife, you dimwit. I was born yesterday. Wake up and smell the coffee."

Adam: "I see. Actually . . no, I don't see. Why am I turning into a statue? It seems to have something to do with you."

Eve: "Whoa . . . look at that! . . . I think I know what it is, we must be a new species of primate.
By the way, just what is hell, anyway"?

Adam: How in hell should I know? I'll ask God next time I see . . . I mean hear His voice. You don't actually see Him. He comes around every so often. Nice Guy, but a little authoritative . . doesn't like snakes nor apples.

Eve: So, do you have a name?

Adam: "Madam, I'm Adam."*
*This is, of course, a famous palindrome. The famed couple stayed together for life and Eve never had to use her own semi-palindrome -- Leave, I'm Eve! or Leave I'm Evil!
A few days later, Eve said, "Look, Adam. What I have here in my possession is . . an apple. It was given to me by a nice snake over by a tree. Why don't we have it together?

Adam replied, "Oh-oh. The Old Boy is not going to like this at all. Eve, we must not eat that apple, it will cause us to spend the rest of our life working in drudgery for a living, and then when we die* we'll fry in hell for the rest of eternity."
*For the purposes of this website Adam and Eve will never die. They'll continue to inhabit the earth until humans no longer exist. In the up-coming pages, you'll see the story of our couple and how they fared throughout the ages, and up to the present.
Adam continued, "Eve, do you remember you asked me what hell is? Well, hell is where that damned snake came from. It's a place of sorrow and suffering with real fire . . in case you were still wondering."

The luscious Eve then said softly, "Oh, Adam . . . I'll make it worth your while in ways you've never dreamed of."

Adam gazed at Eve with an impish eye and replied, "Oh well . . . it's a dry heat."

Almighty God was displeased, to say the least. He gave to Adam and Eve some slacks to cover up their genitalia (that leaf business is bogus), also some t-shirts and sandals. He then cast them out into the world of labor, turmoil, war, and famine.

Adam and Eve plunged forward into the real world not knowing what was to become of themselves. As they made their camp, a group of bonobo chimps happened by and our couple observed them. One stony old male was observed in union with a female bonobo. Adam chuckled, I know just what you're going through, apt old ape.

Eve asked the bonobos to explain their actions, but unlike Eve, these apes do not possess language. Our couple then tried to join the bonobo group but were soon edged out by those gentle apes. Our bonobo cousins are very gentle, loving, and kind. Our other cousins, the chimpanzees, are very war-like, sadistic, and mean and stupid. I'm so glad humans are more like bonobos.

Anyway that is the real story of Adam and Eve.

*As noted earlier, for the purposes of this website Adam and Eve will never die. They'll continue to inhabit the planet earth until humans no longer exist. You'll see in the up-coming pages, the story of our couple and how they fared throughout the ages, and up until the present.

Adam Ranger and Eve Ribb left Africa looking for a nice garden somewhere in the Fertile Crescent with good schools. Well-nourished from the apple they had snaked up, they raised a garden full of kids.

And the rest is pre-history.

You might say that humans lived as just another animal in Africa, but quite intelligent. They probably had no reading, writing, and most likely communicated by various grunts and signals for danger, game, and other issues. During their long stay in Africa humans developed into full-fledged homo sapiens.

They crossed the Red Sea about a quarter of the way down from the north end and found their "Garden" in what is now Saudi Arabia on the eastern shores of the Red Sea. This may be their (and our) (J-mito haplotype) first indigenous group or tribe. Their skin would have been very dark having just arrived from Africa. During their stay in what is now Saudi Arabia, they picked up all of the markers needed for the development of the J-mito chromosome.

Bottleneck events from the Levant and what is now Lebanon rather than this region actually constitutes the geographic origin of haplogroup J but there were no earlier settlements of the J group that we know of as yet. So for now lets call this place our original outside of Africa home area. The migration started 70,000 years ago and was fully developed about 35,000 years ago.

Proceed to genome index page

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Your questions and comments are welcome.

rcranger@syr.edu

Copyright 2017 by Robert Ranger, Wilmington, North Carolina.